A pause between errands and chores, I recline in the yard grateful for the sun warmed spring air. I am proud to share that I have installed a garden, behind the parking lot of the apartment building. An 8 by 8 foot plot replacing an expanse of weeds so tall the resemblance to an Asian jungle could not be ignored. I have recently experienced a transcendental shift. I am content here, in Iowa, now. Before a few weeks ago I was hell bent on finding an escape option. I applied for every feasible job in nearly all areas of the country. I even discussed part-time options at places I had previously worked. Now, somehow, I am at peace with myself in this space. I have made changes to my life, though. I see the change as a moving out of 'the waiting place' and into the being place. The psychological shift began to be noticeable when I bought my 'new' car. Next I travelled (albeit to an interview which could lead me out of a place/time I was sure I needed to evacuate). The trip, the interview, the location revealed to me that I would much rather be where I am than in the new place, job, life. I was astounded by the realization. Would I really turn down such an opportunity to work for and with an organization who I always admired and respected? I anguished over the choice. Thought it through, considered variables, made lists, rethought it through. My go to talk processor friends were unavailable - I was on my own. By the time I spoke at length with Amy or Renell, my decision was firm. A peace descended. The anxiety and obsessive thinking about the choice evaporated. I was staying in Iowa. AND some things about my life here HAD to change - a garden was a must, no more waiting; a washer and a dryer for cleaning clothes gently and without pay or trekking, a yard for outside time... looks like a move to a small house was in order.
Weeks later I am writing from the same apartment, but I have a garden, a lawn space, and the washer dryer will be delivered this week.
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