mind fog

I could blame the heat, for it is incredibly hot and muggy, especially for a woman who spent the past 4 weeks nestled in a narrow valley with mild temperature and lots of shade and breezes.

I could blame the fatigue, for I have not slept a full night in a week; travel and fitful slumber.

I could blame the stress, for I have been navigating fundamentally stressful experiences all summer.

I could blame the lack of sexual release, for I have not made love with my fellow for over 7 weeks.

I could blame.

Harder is to accept.  I am tired to the core.  I am emotionally drained.  I am frustrated and angry.  I am apprehensive of my ability to begin the semester with enthusiasm and energy.
I am overwhelmed with emotions in constant flux.  Each morning, for an hour I reside in peace.

By the middle of the day my mind is a muddle and I am woefully inarticulate.  I struggle to find words - simple words.  Not that I feel I cannot express myself, more I feel I am losing my language skills and vocabulary.  I suppose the language difficulty, lethargy and joint swelling and aching could be residual complication of last summers Lyme disease.  Looking at the symptoms simultaneously reveals the connection.

I may lay down and nap, though I am not often a successful napper.

The house is beginning to feel like home again.  It did not, at all, when i first arrived.  The space felt alien, even unwelcome.  To not feel at home in my own home is disturbing.  I have never felt at home in the surrounding community, but for that alienation to now pervade my own space disconcerts me profoundly.