An emotional awakening
I am currently experiencing an emotional awakening. I am feeling emotions and moods that for awhile now, years? Months? Weeks? Time is an elusive concept to me, and I don't experience it with clarity or continuity always, but that is a discussion for a different day.
Today I am focused upon this flux of emotions. I am tapped into exaltation and joy. I am smiling deeply, feeling excitement and energy - charged. I love those feeling. I am inspired to create, to write, to take actions to achieve long held goals, to hike, to exalt.
In those moments I am thrilled at this capacity to tap into aspects of myself that have been dormant or lethargic. I feel powerful, capable, confident. How wonderful.
Then each evening I have some moment where those exuberant emotions crash. Topple. Tumble. Tilt. Tense.
Self doubt, anxiety, sense of inadequacy step in to the tumble. My stomach clenches, I feel like I want to cry.
This sharp shift, this tilt tumble, turnaround is an experience I have not missed. Years and years since I rode that emotional roller coaster.
Is whatever catalyzed the inner light releasing these other demons? Must an emotional awakening include awakening to the wide range of emotions of which I am capable? Positive and negative?
Is it worth it? the joy for the angst. the angst for the joy.
Do I allow the emotions to be their full selves, my full self. Will I have the capacity to navigate and find the balance, the self-acceptance to not succumb to the might of the heavier emotions?
Today I am focused upon this flux of emotions. I am tapped into exaltation and joy. I am smiling deeply, feeling excitement and energy - charged. I love those feeling. I am inspired to create, to write, to take actions to achieve long held goals, to hike, to exalt.
In those moments I am thrilled at this capacity to tap into aspects of myself that have been dormant or lethargic. I feel powerful, capable, confident. How wonderful.
Then each evening I have some moment where those exuberant emotions crash. Topple. Tumble. Tilt. Tense.
Self doubt, anxiety, sense of inadequacy step in to the tumble. My stomach clenches, I feel like I want to cry.
This sharp shift, this tilt tumble, turnaround is an experience I have not missed. Years and years since I rode that emotional roller coaster.
Is whatever catalyzed the inner light releasing these other demons? Must an emotional awakening include awakening to the wide range of emotions of which I am capable? Positive and negative?
Is it worth it? the joy for the angst. the angst for the joy.
Do I allow the emotions to be their full selves, my full self. Will I have the capacity to navigate and find the balance, the self-acceptance to not succumb to the might of the heavier emotions?
Comments
Post a Comment