Closure and Beginnings - a birthday reflection
Birthdays - a time for celebration, reflection and a reckoning. My wonderful friend Emily, years ago, introduced me to numerology. Struck by the insights available through the process, especially the cycles discussed, I occasionally recalculate the numbers and reread the descriptions in the book. My birthday is one of the days when such musings come to mind. What have I experienced? Opened myself too? Closed myself from? Dreamed? Achieved? Lost? Lamented? Planned? Pursued? In the year that has closed. If I do not take time to make such a reckoning, how can I possible grow? How can I change the path I am following? How can I pursue my higher purpose?
Later today, I will do the math, discover which phase of the cycle I am entering - and I will think and dream and plan for the coming year.
I know I am not, now, on a path to actualization. I am mired in complacency and mild discontent. I am drifting on a current of is rather than diving into and swimming in a sea of possibility and personal fulfillment.
I have been thinking in terms of metaphor. I am not a joiner, I do not 'join'; I stand to the side and long for belonging. I no longer bring things together - people, ideas, events.... I have the capacity to be, I have been a joiner, but now I am not. As a result, I feel isolated - separate, apart.
I can hear another of my wonderful friends, Nate, saying (to a crowd of restless pre-teens about to be unloosed on the the New Games field) "People are social creatures." I smile at the memory, and at the truth of the assertion. Where is my herd? my pack? to whom do I belong? With whom do I gather? I must answer... hardly anyone at present.
As I dream, aspire and prepare to begin this new year I assert - I seek my herd, I join my pack, I belong. In the coming months I shall open myself to change, to vulnerability of exposing myself, to stepping out of discontent and complacency and into possibility.
Even if I have not net, not 'secure' income, I must leave this place and find a home where I feel free to be me, not some closed up, made small, quiet, uninvolved, unchallenged shadow of me.
Later today, I will do the math, discover which phase of the cycle I am entering - and I will think and dream and plan for the coming year.
I know I am not, now, on a path to actualization. I am mired in complacency and mild discontent. I am drifting on a current of is rather than diving into and swimming in a sea of possibility and personal fulfillment.
I have been thinking in terms of metaphor. I am not a joiner, I do not 'join'; I stand to the side and long for belonging. I no longer bring things together - people, ideas, events.... I have the capacity to be, I have been a joiner, but now I am not. As a result, I feel isolated - separate, apart.
I can hear another of my wonderful friends, Nate, saying (to a crowd of restless pre-teens about to be unloosed on the the New Games field) "People are social creatures." I smile at the memory, and at the truth of the assertion. Where is my herd? my pack? to whom do I belong? With whom do I gather? I must answer... hardly anyone at present.
As I dream, aspire and prepare to begin this new year I assert - I seek my herd, I join my pack, I belong. In the coming months I shall open myself to change, to vulnerability of exposing myself, to stepping out of discontent and complacency and into possibility.
Even if I have not net, not 'secure' income, I must leave this place and find a home where I feel free to be me, not some closed up, made small, quiet, uninvolved, unchallenged shadow of me.
Comments
Post a Comment