Soul Connections
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| A path, meandering through meadow and wood. The best stuff exists in the transitional spaces, where aspects of each intermingle. |
His words an apt observation of a recent experience in my life.
Profound soul connections are rare, and I have been blessed with two very profound experiences of soul connection.
Thankfully, Angelo and I recognized and fueled ours upon meeting and in the years since. Our relationship is not without challenges and miscommunications, and it is graced with trust and unconditional love.
The other of the profound soul connection did not prove so sustainable. Which leaves me in moments of weakness or fear doubting the veracity of the connection.
So Angelo's words provide both solace and affirmation.
The profound connection was real. The intensity, dynamism, and depth of possibility for growth and enrichment beyond comprehension was real. Even if, in the end, the person "shied away from powerful soul connection".
We shared so many points of connections, worldly and otherworldly overlaps.
A bright, shining, sustaining, mutually fueling light. Energy. Passing directly one to the other. Evident even to those around us. Joy Joy Joy. Creativity, inspiration, and connection - powerful and life affirming.
I once read some poems by Brian Andreas, and one came to mind in relation to this soul-kinship of kindred spirits:
"When I first met him, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for him to stay." Brian Andreas
link to the print, because his poems are as visual as they are textual. I highly recommend reading some Brian Andreas!
No wonder that I experience a few days reeling from the withdrawal. As the door to the other soul closed, I found myself unmoored, lost for orientation, isolated in a painful way. I could not think clearly, I was easily overwhelmed, confused, emotions roiled and shifted - rejection, confusion, deep deep sadness, frustration, anger, hurt, longing, defensiveness.... And I experienced weariness - weariness of body, mind, emotion, spirit. I could not muster energy to face the barrenness surrounding me.
Angelo simultaneously gave me space, checked in on me, and cheered my with humor and tenderness.
My sleeping self processed many emotions for me - what a gift!
Then yesterday, I awoke adjusted. Like I had stopped the flow of energy from the wound. No it is not healed. Yes I still feel sadness and loss and pangs of longing. Yet somehow I was different. I had hope, joy, and access to my creativity again. I realized that while I might no longer be connected to the amazing other soul, while I might not be in a new and exhilarating multidimensional world of growth and enrichment, I still had the internal doors that had been opened inside of me.
The connection had unearthed buried parts of myself, introduced me to new parts of myself. Hello self - you are a dynamic, amazing, versatile, creative, capable being. Let's live it up!
I wish peace and joy to the other, who has chosen to walk away from me, from the profound soul connection. We will never ever know what could have been.
For the beauty of deep abiding connection, emotional support, and so much more is now terminated.
Will I remain one of the four great teachers in their life so far? Will they ponder the wonder of us? Or will they box up the moments shared, turn away from them, and walk forward. Those questions haunt me, a little, for such a connection must (must surely) have a profound impact. Otherwise, that doubt of the truth of the connection will also haunt.
So again, I remind myself,of what Angelo notes: that soul connections can overwhelm, or the person can choose not to see them, or not be ready for the fullness of them, or, so many many reasons why "many people shy away from soul connections."So, my soul, my beautiful, tender, vast soul shines.
"White owl, White Owl
Flying in the moonlight
From the ancient forest you bring me light
White owl, white owl,
Flying in my dreams
Grandmother please guide and protect me."
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