Let peace begin with me

Listening to one of my favorite holiday albuma, "An Old-Fashioned Christmas" with songs from an animation rendering of Dicken's "A Christmas Carol".

earlier today, I joined friendly acquaintances from choir for singing Christmas carols, then returned to pop-up tree lot and bought my tree from t he local Optimist group, next came home and hung up outdoor seasonal decor, and finally stood the  christmas tree in stand while listening to the above mentioned album.  Each a task filled with joy, peace, and seasonal bliss.
The combination of which tempted my to call the individual with whom I anticipated sharing seasonal revelry and companionable joy. He did not answer the call, which I thought might happen, yet I reached out to call regardless.
He asserted a desire to continue to be friends, though less connected than formerly. Yet, what I think he may have meant is, 'let's just not interact if we can help it, okay?" or so it seems.
That may be my sense of the situation currently because we had planned so many interactions for this very week, and then the nature of our interaction experienced a shift, more like a teleporting, where each of us began on the same telepad, but rematerialized on different worlds without transponders. If you are not a Star Trek fan, the nuance (or even the major points) of that metaphor will be lost on you.

So, back to the call - in my mind I imagined a friendly chat exchanging items like:
   I got my tree, it is a lovely fraser, I hope to decorate it today, after my home work...
  Carol singing was fun, lots of smiles and hugs and great songs...
  Opera opening enjoyable?
  Get your tree yet?

  I miss you,
 Do you miss me

Playing my christmas albums and singing along
planning on some mulling spices warm beverage later

Maybe just as well that we did not talk.
Distance may be the only way to distance ourselves (yes I know that is circular reasoning)

So, now I will settle down to some homework, and remind myself that it is a poor choice to try and interact with someone who does not value the wonder and beauty and dynamic qualities of me, who would chose to thwart a connection so magnificent, who, in short, does not want to interact with me.

As I drove home from the tree lot - the long stretches of highway seem conducive to introspective thought -I observed that it is frustrating, disappointing, and a tad angering, that others view marriage as a possessive act, as if  I, the unique, independent, wonderous being I am, could ever 'belong', as an object or property, to someone else. How limiting, and demeaning, and inaccurate.

My view of marriage is two individuals choose to weave lives together, bringing self to mutually respectful relationship of equals. Each still free to be autonomous and self-actualized. Each still free to grow and forge relationships with others. The two married individuals interacting in trust, love, respect, honesty, openness and joy.  Neither 'belonging' to the other.
I am pleased to know, that Angelo is of a mind, shared understanding, overlapping perspective. Probably how I was actually able to marry him, I who avowed never to marry because of the implied control by other involved, especially if one is the female party in a heterosexual union in our culture.

I recognize that in that, as in most aspects of my life, I choose to make my own way rather than subject myself to the norms and conventions of mainstream society. With that comes the reality that the world will look askance and judge. Sometimes even folks you had thought were tolerant, open-minded, loving, friends.
I wish I could think of the quote about the cat that walks its own way waving its tail... for it may be me.