Reading "Knit to Flatter" by Amy Herzog is helping me shift my pardigm
So... body shapes and body image and the female psyche, eh? There is an oft discussed subject matter. I know that I have been grappling with objectivity, subjectivity and perception regarding my female figure since.. well since I could grapple.
I felt overweight and unattractive as a pre-teen. I was ridiculed as an adolescent. ("Hey, Brooke I saw you twin brother in the hall before class," shouts one 7th grader to me as I work my locker combination,"Oh, wait - you don't have a twin brother...." peals of laughter. 18 years later and I can still vividly remember that day!) In college I wore baggy clothes and tried to hide my complex about my body. As an adult I felt awkward any time I might be seen naked after lovemaking, in my thirties I gained 30 and lost 45 pounds in 18 months... Now, as I round the curve of 40 I am forced to face yet another series of body image struggles. My body has changed, sort of all at once and seemingly irrevocably. My middle is thicker. My breasts larger and lower. My weight up 30 pounds and counting (apparently completely uninfluenced by what I eat or my level of activity - i just consistently gain and gain and gain...)My self-image wounded and striving to regain a sense of acceptance.
I have had to thin out my wardrobe considerably. Garments I have had (and consistently worn) 20 years now must be retired. New dresses I bought and felt great in a mere 2 years ago must be abandoned because they are uncomfortably small and I feel unattractive as soon as I put them on. Actually I feel unattractive most of the time.
Everyday getting dressed is a monumental event. Yes, I have always struggled with matching an outfit to my mood (fashion hardly a concern - more what feels right and I feel comfortable in and matches with each other, or at the very least mismatches in a way that makes me smile.). Now, I dress, feel stuffed into a too small waist or arm or well, pretty much all aspects feel too tight. Then I strip it off and try something else. Look in the mirror and feel like I look like a dowdy, frumpy, grumpy lumpy version of me. Strip it off try something else. I do this repeatedly, sometimes for a half an hour. I scour the closet, I rifle through drawers. Basically I always feel uncomfortable and unattractive. I think I have 2 outfits that I am fairly comfortable in. And one of those are my pj bottoms and a Garfield t-shirt.
This lament is merely a lead into the topic. I know I am not alone in the daily struggle to see myself as beautiful. To feel comfortable and at home in a changed body.
I knit myself a dress this summer, and I love it! It is not perfect. No, the stitches are 'twisted' and the stripe down the front veers to the left where it ought not. Nonetheless I love it. I am proud of it. It is comfortable and I feel good when i wear it. I know it accentuates my potbelly and is obviously flawed in construction, but when I put it on, my pride in my accomplishment trumps the frumps.
I have started constructing another. I also and determined to be better at knitting. I am a pattern adapter ignorer. I tend to modify on a whim.
Which leads me to the wonder that is "Knit to Flatter" by Amy Herzog. I heard about the book at knitting group, on the well known podcast "Stash and Burn" and when I saw it on display at the library I quickly checked it out. I strongly recommend it. The content is not only instructional, the patterns lovely, but also the tone is so inclusive. The language accentuates self-acceptance, objectivity, creativity, and personal style.
I will adapt and modify patterns with more confidence. I will knit garment with enthusiasm. And I will wear clothes and own my shape and beauty. My paradigm is experiencing some slow but immense shifting. Soon new continents will emerge and old landmasses will be altered beyond recognition.
I felt overweight and unattractive as a pre-teen. I was ridiculed as an adolescent. ("Hey, Brooke I saw you twin brother in the hall before class," shouts one 7th grader to me as I work my locker combination,"Oh, wait - you don't have a twin brother...." peals of laughter. 18 years later and I can still vividly remember that day!) In college I wore baggy clothes and tried to hide my complex about my body. As an adult I felt awkward any time I might be seen naked after lovemaking, in my thirties I gained 30 and lost 45 pounds in 18 months... Now, as I round the curve of 40 I am forced to face yet another series of body image struggles. My body has changed, sort of all at once and seemingly irrevocably. My middle is thicker. My breasts larger and lower. My weight up 30 pounds and counting (apparently completely uninfluenced by what I eat or my level of activity - i just consistently gain and gain and gain...)My self-image wounded and striving to regain a sense of acceptance.
I have had to thin out my wardrobe considerably. Garments I have had (and consistently worn) 20 years now must be retired. New dresses I bought and felt great in a mere 2 years ago must be abandoned because they are uncomfortably small and I feel unattractive as soon as I put them on. Actually I feel unattractive most of the time.
Everyday getting dressed is a monumental event. Yes, I have always struggled with matching an outfit to my mood (fashion hardly a concern - more what feels right and I feel comfortable in and matches with each other, or at the very least mismatches in a way that makes me smile.). Now, I dress, feel stuffed into a too small waist or arm or well, pretty much all aspects feel too tight. Then I strip it off and try something else. Look in the mirror and feel like I look like a dowdy, frumpy, grumpy lumpy version of me. Strip it off try something else. I do this repeatedly, sometimes for a half an hour. I scour the closet, I rifle through drawers. Basically I always feel uncomfortable and unattractive. I think I have 2 outfits that I am fairly comfortable in. And one of those are my pj bottoms and a Garfield t-shirt.
This lament is merely a lead into the topic. I know I am not alone in the daily struggle to see myself as beautiful. To feel comfortable and at home in a changed body.
I knit myself a dress this summer, and I love it! It is not perfect. No, the stitches are 'twisted' and the stripe down the front veers to the left where it ought not. Nonetheless I love it. I am proud of it. It is comfortable and I feel good when i wear it. I know it accentuates my potbelly and is obviously flawed in construction, but when I put it on, my pride in my accomplishment trumps the frumps.
I have started constructing another. I also and determined to be better at knitting. I am a pattern adapter ignorer. I tend to modify on a whim.
Which leads me to the wonder that is "Knit to Flatter" by Amy Herzog. I heard about the book at knitting group, on the well known podcast "Stash and Burn" and when I saw it on display at the library I quickly checked it out. I strongly recommend it. The content is not only instructional, the patterns lovely, but also the tone is so inclusive. The language accentuates self-acceptance, objectivity, creativity, and personal style.
I will adapt and modify patterns with more confidence. I will knit garment with enthusiasm. And I will wear clothes and own my shape and beauty. My paradigm is experiencing some slow but immense shifting. Soon new continents will emerge and old landmasses will be altered beyond recognition.
Comments
Post a Comment