Call it cancer and fear shall follow, or does fear precede?
A loved one of mine just, 2 evenings ago, had his fear of cancer confirmed. The biopsy resulted in knowledge, all be it undesired. Strange how the quest to know, resulting in the knowing, reveals the desire not to know at all. How will things change with the knowing?
Platitudes suggest comfort in knowing, which, being a platitude, no longer holds power, or even much truth.
As we, his family, send him thoughts and in some cases prayers, he is not comforted. Conversely his apprehension increases with such sentiments. I get it. He, being a caregiver, wants us each to be happy, not carrying sorrow originating from him, albeit unintentionally created. He does not want to (or need to) carry the extra weight of our worry, fear and sorrow; his is heavy enough on its own. We have a duty to lighten not to add to his burden. He derives what little comfort he gets from seeing and hearing of our joy and activity.
So, I should compose a call out to all those "thinking about you" sending folks to stop with the heavy concern and make with they "hey, let me tell you about this awesome experience" He then can laugh with them, imagine their joy and liveliness and be distracted, if only for a moment, from his fear and dread and seeming powerlessness.
But it is difficult, oh so difficult to express cheer in the face of pain, fear, dread and worry. I learned worry early, and developed acute skill at worrying. How now, do I supply solace in the form of not worry? Ah, dig deep and offer forth what is asked, not what comes easiest.
Platitudes suggest comfort in knowing, which, being a platitude, no longer holds power, or even much truth.
As we, his family, send him thoughts and in some cases prayers, he is not comforted. Conversely his apprehension increases with such sentiments. I get it. He, being a caregiver, wants us each to be happy, not carrying sorrow originating from him, albeit unintentionally created. He does not want to (or need to) carry the extra weight of our worry, fear and sorrow; his is heavy enough on its own. We have a duty to lighten not to add to his burden. He derives what little comfort he gets from seeing and hearing of our joy and activity.
So, I should compose a call out to all those "thinking about you" sending folks to stop with the heavy concern and make with they "hey, let me tell you about this awesome experience" He then can laugh with them, imagine their joy and liveliness and be distracted, if only for a moment, from his fear and dread and seeming powerlessness.
But it is difficult, oh so difficult to express cheer in the face of pain, fear, dread and worry. I learned worry early, and developed acute skill at worrying. How now, do I supply solace in the form of not worry? Ah, dig deep and offer forth what is asked, not what comes easiest.
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