Space and waiting
He feels my action earlier today was nasty. I feel I was upholding social driving etiquette. I do not choose to yield to a larger car, big truck really, because they nose out into the road. I am on the road, they are pulling into the road from a gas station egress. I, as a driver in the road have right of way over someone awaiting entry to a road from a parking lot. Pulling into the road does not establish your 'right' to the road.
I abhor the slovenly disregard for prevailing right of way. The system is in place to create the most predictable, and therefore more safe, shared space.
My choice to not yield to the truck, but to maintain my road driving has somehow resulted in (dare I say another) atmosphere of anger twixt an tween us in the apartment. I am not apologetic, nor do I feel it was a nasty action. If the truck had stopped without encroaching into the road I would have let him pull out. I feel by letting folks who feel entitled to right of way regardless of their actual right, only exacerbates the sense of entitlement. Sometimes a stand must be taken to ensure commonly followed public systems are upheld. The same is true on the days I drive to work past the college campus and stop, even when it clearly frustrates the driver behind me, stop for pedestrians in the crosswalk. That pedestrian has both the right of way and law supporting the right of way, on her side. Not stopping because the car behind me is on my bumper or evidently in a hurry only reinforces the sense of entitlement.
Socially important transportation hierarchies exist. If a driver, walker, cycler chooses to ignore the hierarchy, or is somehow ignorant of them, the effects can be wide ranging and, at times, dangerous. Some things are black and white to me, no need to introduce a 'grey area'.
So, he will have to move through his anger with me. I, of late, notice that he has a low grade frustration directed at me much of the time. Many things I do or say seem to frustrate him very quickly. Our perceptions are markedly different. He does not always, or even often articulate frustration or anger. Rather he seems to seethe silently; thereby building up a loggerhead of frustration.
I only know of his current state of mind because I asked him directly if I did something to make him angry. "Earlier you did," he said, and walked away. A few minutes later I asked him if he would tell me what I did that made him angry, for the driving incident was over about 2 hours ago. He did. Otherwise he walks out of a room when I walk into it, only responds to me with one word answers and otherwise does not look directly at or talk to me.
I must say, I wonder what we can change about our interactions. How to move into a space of less frustration and more tolerance.
I abhor the slovenly disregard for prevailing right of way. The system is in place to create the most predictable, and therefore more safe, shared space.
My choice to not yield to the truck, but to maintain my road driving has somehow resulted in (dare I say another) atmosphere of anger twixt an tween us in the apartment. I am not apologetic, nor do I feel it was a nasty action. If the truck had stopped without encroaching into the road I would have let him pull out. I feel by letting folks who feel entitled to right of way regardless of their actual right, only exacerbates the sense of entitlement. Sometimes a stand must be taken to ensure commonly followed public systems are upheld. The same is true on the days I drive to work past the college campus and stop, even when it clearly frustrates the driver behind me, stop for pedestrians in the crosswalk. That pedestrian has both the right of way and law supporting the right of way, on her side. Not stopping because the car behind me is on my bumper or evidently in a hurry only reinforces the sense of entitlement.
Socially important transportation hierarchies exist. If a driver, walker, cycler chooses to ignore the hierarchy, or is somehow ignorant of them, the effects can be wide ranging and, at times, dangerous. Some things are black and white to me, no need to introduce a 'grey area'.
So, he will have to move through his anger with me. I, of late, notice that he has a low grade frustration directed at me much of the time. Many things I do or say seem to frustrate him very quickly. Our perceptions are markedly different. He does not always, or even often articulate frustration or anger. Rather he seems to seethe silently; thereby building up a loggerhead of frustration.
I only know of his current state of mind because I asked him directly if I did something to make him angry. "Earlier you did," he said, and walked away. A few minutes later I asked him if he would tell me what I did that made him angry, for the driving incident was over about 2 hours ago. He did. Otherwise he walks out of a room when I walk into it, only responds to me with one word answers and otherwise does not look directly at or talk to me.
I must say, I wonder what we can change about our interactions. How to move into a space of less frustration and more tolerance.
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