Self-Determination
I teach, in the college classroom, a concept called "self-determination". The focus is on conveying the importance of creating an atmosphere that fosters a "Condition of Self-Determination." The context of the concept is conditions necessary for a respectful and inclusive atmosphere when conducting group communication, especially when facilitating dialog.
Self-determination is the recognition that each individual has the right and responsibility to determine for the self a mode of behaving, a course of acting, a way of believing, etc... In other words an individual is free to chose and act upon that choice, and you as an other must not infringe upon or deny that right even when you disagree or disapprove.
"I'm free to decide, I'm free to de ci i ide" Cranberries song
I always note that while the concept seems direct, respecting and acknowledging the self-determination of others is often a challenge.
Just last night I was again faced with being reminded of just such challenge. To discuss a concept in abstraction in the 'safe' classroom environment is one thing; to live right up against the concept is another.
Someone I love and admire made choices last night, choices that I do not support, and in fact abhor and resent. Yet, I had to remind myself the choices were his to make. Even though I knew the next day he would rue the choices, I could not prevent him from making them. Sometimes a person will not hear reason, even reason that is a restatement of his own assertions. The individual is 'hell bent' on a course of action, and resent vehemently any interference. He articulated, "Am I in charge of my future or not?" (in such a beligerent tone!) that I was forced to recognize his self-determination. Yes, he is in charge of his own future.
What about when the other's future directly impacts my self's future? Where do concessions occur? How does each individual navigate the thicket?
"A thicket's no trick, the quickest is pick it a part with a stick.'
'Yes, but even one prick, it's my thing about blood.' Into the Woods
So, this morning he lies abed ill and regretful and apologetic, while I grapple with the implications of a recurrent pattern and the need to respect self-determination, while not compromising my sense of self and personal needs.
Meanwhile my cat hunkers next to me purring a reminder that life is wonderful, love is restorative and it is sometimes enough to be near one another.
Self-determination is the recognition that each individual has the right and responsibility to determine for the self a mode of behaving, a course of acting, a way of believing, etc... In other words an individual is free to chose and act upon that choice, and you as an other must not infringe upon or deny that right even when you disagree or disapprove.
"I'm free to decide, I'm free to de ci i ide" Cranberries song
I always note that while the concept seems direct, respecting and acknowledging the self-determination of others is often a challenge.
Just last night I was again faced with being reminded of just such challenge. To discuss a concept in abstraction in the 'safe' classroom environment is one thing; to live right up against the concept is another.
Someone I love and admire made choices last night, choices that I do not support, and in fact abhor and resent. Yet, I had to remind myself the choices were his to make. Even though I knew the next day he would rue the choices, I could not prevent him from making them. Sometimes a person will not hear reason, even reason that is a restatement of his own assertions. The individual is 'hell bent' on a course of action, and resent vehemently any interference. He articulated, "Am I in charge of my future or not?" (in such a beligerent tone!) that I was forced to recognize his self-determination. Yes, he is in charge of his own future.
What about when the other's future directly impacts my self's future? Where do concessions occur? How does each individual navigate the thicket?
"A thicket's no trick, the quickest is pick it a part with a stick.'
'Yes, but even one prick, it's my thing about blood.' Into the Woods
So, this morning he lies abed ill and regretful and apologetic, while I grapple with the implications of a recurrent pattern and the need to respect self-determination, while not compromising my sense of self and personal needs.
Meanwhile my cat hunkers next to me purring a reminder that life is wonderful, love is restorative and it is sometimes enough to be near one another.
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